From Chasing to Integrating

There are never enough hours in a day, days in a year, years in a lifetime for us to do everything we ever wanted. No matter what the goals are — whether you wish to visit as many countries, learn as many languages, read as many books, play as many instruments — it is a difficult lesson for a human to shake off the inner feeling that no matter what we do, it will never be enough. We chase, and thus, we stay unfulfilled.

Too much information floats our way these days, offering countless ideas about how to live a fulfilling life. Once we reach one peak, we already gaze upon another horizon, without truly appreciating the sunset right in front of us.

Having goals and plans in life is, indeed, a worthy cause. However, if we don’t give ourselves the time and space to integrate our experiences — whether good or bad — we risk skating on the surface, never truly dipping into the field of wisdom.

I too have found myself chasing — in the form of travel. At first, I felt I could do it forever, as it brought me far more joy than staying in one place long term. But after two years, I’ve come to a realization: maybe it’s time to slow down. To settle in one place for a while. To give myself the space to finally integrate the experiences I’ve had. I’ve started to see that I had fallen into the cycle of a constant need for change. As much as a new beginning is always exciting, the excitement soon wears off, and I feel the same urge to search for the next new thing, expecting it to teach me something the present cannot.

I am still in New Zealand as I write this, but my journey is coming to an end. Naturally, I have resolved to return home after eight years abroad — and I would be lying if I said I am entirely ready for it. Part of me simply wants to see if I am even capable of living that life, one that has always felt so distant to me. Perhaps this is the new experience I am chasing now — the one I haven’t lived yet.

As close to my heart as life on the open road is, moving forward it would feel more like escaping than pursuing. So I will try. To slow down. To observe. To breathe. To truly contemplate. As uncomfortable as it will probably be, I can sense that it’s needed. We mostly learn through hardships, after all.

This is not to say that everyone who travels for long periods needs to undertake the same journey. This is my confession. What each of us can do is to look within and ask: are we solely chasing, or are we truly integrating?

Once we reach one peak, we already gaze upon another horizon without truly appreciating the sunset right in front of us.